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Archive for April, 2009

There are gazillions of bands on Myspace, and I’ve had a tiny amount of fun finding those with the rudest names imaginable.
Here’s what beastly naming I’ve come across.
Fruit and a naughty action make up the moniker of crazy Canadians Rhubarb Cocofuck (below), who dress like Sigue Sigue Sputnik after a week wearing the same clothes, have one song and a solitary friend (Tom).
Slightly confused could describe Massachusetts’ Anal Cunt, who’s talents include the track, You’re A Rollerblading Faggot.
There’s two Hot Cunts, the Sydney disco house band using The to differentiate them from the US country bunch.
The Slut-Faced Whores suitably comprise two chicks, Electronic Pussy Sucker get a mention for the bizarreness of their name and anyone who knows what the act is will laugh like English schoolboy at Felching the Dead.
At which point I became bored but I did notice that typing in ‘The Fuckers’ brings up Nine Inch Nails.
rhubarb

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steve-earle2

 

Who? Steve Earle and the Del McCoury Band

Title: The Mountain

Label: New West

Tell me more: His name is Earle and he’s an American legend, who once wanted to get it on with Condi Rice, but put the revolution first. The McCoury Band ….. man, you need to look up Wikipedia for that.

Why the fek should I listen to this? Earle takes a punt on bluegrass, and surprisingly comes up smelling up of dew instead of a dead croc. The man is a genius, end of story.

Or should I take it a stick to it and beat the shit out of it? Bluegrass is still bluegrass. Dolly Parton once did it and ended up with the worst review in the Nairnshire Telegraph in the history of that weekly’s music column.

 

oumou1

Who? Oumou Sangare

Title: Seya

Label: World Circuit

Tell me more: Mali’s most female singer, from a country whose obscurity is due to a lack of its football team having never made the World Cup finals. It’s also produced Salif Keita, Ali Farka Toure and Toumani Diabete. Sangare is a UN ambassador, campaigning against world hunger.

Why the fek should I listen to this? I’m gonna give my stereo a break from all that indie, punk and reggae I constantly subject it to for the day. It’s telling me it loves Wassoulou music, the music of an area of Mali.

Or should I take it a stick to it and beat the shit out of it? You can take a horse to water ….

You may not know: Wassoulou music, traditionally played on a six-strong harp, is believed to possess magical powers that can protect hunters and tame the most dangerous of animals.

 

lay-low1

 

Who? Lay Low

Title: Farewell Good Night’s Sleep

Label: Nettwerk

Tell me more: London-born country music-influenced singer with an Icelandic mother and Sri Lankan father who grew up in Reykjavik. Real name Lovisa Elisabet Sigrunardottir. Best she be called Lay Low.

Why the fek should I listen to this? Doesn’t sound a bit like Bjork nor for that matter outlandishly country. I can imagine this on the soundtrack to a Jim Jarmusch movie.

Or should I take it a stick to it and beat the shit out of it? You really need to be in the mood for 11 tracks of beautifully engaging, yet morose tracks.

Some history: Debut album Please Hate Me, released in Iceland in 2006. Recorded music for an Icelandic play, that included eight Dolly Parton covers.

 

angie-palmer2

 

Who? Angie Palmer

Title: Meanwhile, as night falls …

Label: Akrasia records

Tell me more: As close as to an English take on Americana that could be possible.

Why the fek should I listen to this? Rough, but beautifully sounding voice.

Or should I take it a stick to it and beat the shit out of it? Erm, there’s not a thing I haven’t heard before in a million and twelve female troubadours before.

Best line: Too bland for anything out of the ordinary.

 

Attic dweller

excuse1

Who? Only An Excuse?

Title: The Real History of Scottish Football

Label: BBC (1988)

Tell me more: I found this cassette in a box and it’s about the most obscure thing I could find to review. I wouldn’t even try looking at eBay for this one.

Are you on drugs Craig? Only the contraceptive pill. I’m putting this in because it made me laugh so hard I brought up a hairball when I listened to it for the first time since Aberdeen FC won a trophy. On-the-button piss-takes of everyone involved in Scottish football … two decades ago.

Or should I take it a stick to it and beat the shit out of it? No-one’s ever gonna buy it anyway so there’s no point being negative. Or postive for that matter. But, hell, I’ll do that anyway.

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A friend recently claimed that the Beautiful South had split up. I think he was just being optimistic. I mean, they’ve meant bugger all to anyone for about ten years. This got me thinking about bands who should have split a long time ago.  

 

So here’s a few suggestions on when bands, current and past, should have raised that old cliché about musical differences.

Rolling Stones. 1975. Of course they couldn’t have forseen that punk would make them a laughing stock … then they made themselves one.

Guns ‘n’ Roses. 1989. Axl should have formed his own band and made himself look a right prick in that.

Radiohead. After Kid A .. when everyone heaved a collection thought: what the fuck is this.

The Pogues. 1991. Going on without Shane …. who the hell do you think you are?

Pink Floyd. 1970. No Syd, no talent.

Duran Duran. 1986. Eyeliner doesn’t suit after the age of 26.

Primal Scream. After Evil Heat. Bobby, you’ve lost it. Completely.

The Beatles. 2002. John had taken a bullet, George was six foot under and the new drummer, Pete Best, just didn’t cut the mustard.

Rage Against the Machine. After the 14th ‘Fuck You I won’t do what you tell me’

Courtney Love. 1997. We know she’s detached from the world but she should remove herself from the music industry.

The Offspring. Immediately after the first rehearsal.

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